The toasts and the receiving line are the two moments in a wedding when every guest is, briefly, asked to pay attention to the same thing at the same time. They are also the two moments most often mishandled, because they are treated as informal when they are, in fact, structured. There is an order. The order exists for a reason. Follow it.
The receiving line is the formal greeting of guests by the couple and their parents, traditionally held at the entrance to the reception immediately after the ceremony. Its purpose is to ensure that every guest is personally acknowledged by the couple and by both sets of parents before the reception begins. It is not optional at a formal wedding. It is the single most effective way to guarantee that no guest leaves feeling unseen.
The line is composed, in order, of: the bride's mother, the groom's father, the groom's mother, the bride's father, the bride, and the groom. The bride's parents come first because they are the hosts. The groom's parents follow. The couple comes last. This order is not negotiable. If the parents are divorced, the line is adjusted — each parent stands with their current partner, and the line is arranged so that no one is required to stand beside a former spouse. If the line becomes too long, the wedding party may be omitted, but the parents and the couple must remain.
The receiving line should move briskly. Each guest spends no more than a few seconds with each person — a handshake, a brief word, a move on. The couple and their parents should be briefed to keep the conversation short. A line that stalls is a line that tests the patience of every guest standing in it, and the last guests in line will have been standing for twenty minutes before they reach you.
The toasts follow the first course, or follow dinner entirely, depending on the formality. At a formal wedding, the toasts come after dinner, before the cutting of the cake. At a less formal wedding, they may come between courses. Choose one and inform your caterer, so that plates are cleared or held accordingly.
The order of toasts is as follows. The father of the bride speaks first, as the host. The groom responds, thanking the hosts and toasting the bride. The best man follows, toasting the couple. The maid of honour may speak next, if she wishes. Additional speakers — other parents, siblings, friends — should have been arranged in advance and should be limited. More than five toasts is a production, not a celebration.
Each toast is no more than three minutes. This is a rule, not a suggestion. The toast is a gift to the couple, not a platform for the speaker. The speaker stands, holds the room briefly, says something true, and sits. The room raises a glass. The next speaker follows. There is no slideshow. There is no musical accompaniment. There is no open microphone.
If a guest wishes to speak and has not been arranged, they may do so only at the discretion of the couple, and only after the formal toasts have concluded. The couple should feel no obligation. A wedding is not a roast. It is not an open mic. It is a ceremony, and the toasts are part of its structure. Treat them as such.